POST FROM THE DEVIL ORDERS TAKEOUT

I challenge ALL book readers to stop making these 11 mistakes [#bookwormproblems GAME!]

Okay, unpopular opinion here: BOOK READERS ARE STUPID. *dodges the hurricane of urchins*
I say that as a proud, card-carrying, TBR-ignoring reader. And so I'd like to challenge myself and everyone from the blookunity to STOP. We are so often blinded by our love for books. Let us STOP making these 11 most heinous mistakes.

(In case you haven't picked this up, this is Not a Serious Post. Until the end.)

Play this game (and be honest!) to find out whether you're a hardcore book lover:


(I didn't embed it 'cos it ends up really long, so click here to play it. There's a plot twist.)

The 11 mistakes that all book readers make:


1. We actively seek out heartbreak.


This conversation practically happens to me EVERY DAY:

Friend: You talk about this book a lot. Is it good?
Me: IT RIPPED MY HEART OUT AND SMASHED MY DREAMS
Me: read it
Friend: okay, that sounds fake but okay

Still! Most of the time, the difference between a good book and an AWESOME book is whether I was emotionally traumatised and screamed at the book enough times. After all, we read to vicariously experience adventures, and what better than an adventure of the heart?

If a book is particularly awesome, we might even — gasp — STOP READING for a while. Because nothing can hurt you like the way that last fantastic book hurt you. If you're suffering from these book hangovers, Anissa has a few cures for you!

PS: I strongly believe this is a vicious cycle because if readers later decide to write a book, said book probably aims to break hearts.

2. We feel guilty when our hearts are not torn apart.


Even for fluffy contemporaries (read: Simon Vs), we have FEELS. And even if it's not as dramatic as allllll the characters dying (read: Hamlet), these FEELS can hurt our fangirl heart, especially if they lead to headcanons and fan edits and just skjldfjs—

But sometimes, books DON'T break our hearts and wreck our feels.

One of these books would be The Winner's Crime. I actually loved the ending of The Winner's Curse so much I didn't want to pick Crime up, but everyone was raving and The Winner's Kiss was coming out. But then I DID and I felt so incredibly underwhelmed.

So disappointment + guilt = sad bookworm.

3. We get excited about books with sequels that come out YEARS later.

#bookstagram for Vicious by V.E. Schwab
Vicious by V.E. Schwab (who else, really) has somehow secured the impossible spot of being my favourite book. It was a standalone, which I was on board for, but then APPARENTLY TOR IS PUBLISHING A SEQUEL. Cue fangirling.

And there isn't even a publication date listed on Goodreads. How will I live?

Or — even worse — there is NO SEQUEL YET. Again, I am perfectly on board for standalones, but some books are clearly first books in a series but somehow the series doesn't exist? *pterodactyl screech*

Personal pet peeve: first books that aren't also standalones. Please make it somewhat possible for the story to just end there. Otherwise, I'll just be annoyed all the way through the second book.

4. Our TBR keeps growing but we decide to reread.


The threat of the TBR has always been a common topic in the blookunity:
(Psst, like this graphic? Check out my blog post about Tumblr edits + download cool wallpapers!)

We've all faced that decision. We have a nice, tall (maybe not so nice) TBR waiting for us to dive into. They all look wonderful, and it's going to be agonisingly hard to pick one, but it's also going to be fantastic to know you have a stack of super intriguing books waiting for you.

So, we apply supreme book reader logic, and reread an old favourite.

And it is so tempting! After all, we're guaranteed to love an old favourite, probably love it even more. Whereas that TBR, tempting as the premise may be ... there is zero guarantee that it will rip out our hearts. And who wants to be a disappointed bookworm instead of an unproductive one?

5. Or we decide to do other bookish things, and our TBR grows in retaliation.


Maybe we FINALLY tackle one book in the TBR, and heavens save us, that book is every bit as wonderful as you'd hoped. You are a broken, shambling reader (as stated in no. 1). No point stopping the illogical decisions!

Instead of slaying the book hangover with a new book from the TBR, let us become obsessed with this new amazing book! Write 2000-long keyboard-smashy reviews on Goodreads and all the retail sites. Seek out all the fanart and headcanons. Heck, make some of those fanworks.
a darker shade of magic four londons bookstagram
Let's pretend this didn't take me years to edit.
Personally, bookstagram is my bane. I didn't discover it until this year but oh man am I obsessed. Last month, I shared my top takeaways about bookstagram tips.

But to stop the other books from coming to life and attacking me, I've been simplifying my system into 5 bookstagram templates — download these and try them out!

6. Sometimes we forget to eat and instead spend hours on Twitter/Tumblr/Pinterest.


Oh man, social media. On one hand, it lets us ramble about our love for books in (5). On the other, it is a huge time suck. I'm sure I spend hours every week on social media to chat with other book readers.

A Typical Day In Alyssa's House:
Me: spends one hour on Twitter
Me: I need to stop procrastinating.
Me: closes tab
Me: ...
Me: opens new Twitter tab

Personally, I find Pinterest to be the least time-consuming, but Twitter is WAY more fun to connect with other book lovers.

Tumblr is a void. I wouldn't be there if I knew how to escape.

7. Sometimes we speak with non-bookish humans who ask DIFFICULT questions.


Let's be honest, non-book lovers can be very eccentric. Sure, us in the blookunity might sniff books and cry over fictional characters or take out our ENTIRE BOOKSHELF for one bookstagram.

But non-book lovers have the gall to ask questions like:
  • "What is your favourite book?"
  • "Why do you spend so much time reading?"
  • "Why can't you just let go of [insert dead fictional character]?"
  • "Why are you eating all the takeout?"
The last one isn't book-related, but clearly no book reader would ask such a strange question.

For MORE things we're tired of hearing, here are things that Pyjama Queen Blogger Cait @ Paper Fury has dictated bookworms (book dragons?) should NEVER have to hear.

8. We read books recommended by our most evil book friends.


Yep, that's me!

9. Sometimes those books keep us awake past 2AM accidentally.


Everyone knows that "I'll just read one chapter before bed" NEVER works. I'll go back to The Winner's Curse again. At the time, I went to bed at 10 PM every schoolday, but that day I brought TWC into bed with me.

I must have said "Just one more chapter" at least a dozen times before I gave up and speed-read the entire book. I finally slept at 1 AM. I had a few bones to pick with it, but let's face it, any book this compelling was an auto 5-star.

(I also just realised that all my bookstagrams in this post are books by Victoria Schwab ... but I've never read her books past midnight. Possibly because I just abandon all daytime activities to read them the moment they appear.)

10. New book with pretty cover eeeeek.

a darker shade of magic a gathering of shadows bookstagram
What is better than book mail, I ask you? BOOK MAIL WITH GORGEOUS COVERS. Let's not deny it, we do judge books by their covers. In fact, if it's a particularly pretty book, we'll probably stroke it, sniff it, bury our face in it, or even *gasp* go outside to take 300 bookstagrams of it.

Or maybe — and I won't ask you to confess, but I know it's true for some of you — you've bought books JUST because of the pretty covers.

(I'm sure it'll be the bane of any book buying ban I try to start.)

11. We run out of kidnapped souls to trade for books.


Wait, what? Um, no, that never happens. Nope. Not ever.

(By the way, thinking of writing a new post about evil bookish recipes ... tell me in the comments if you'd like that?)

Now go and do the quiz if you haven't ... because now I'm going to analyse the answers.

To keep those people from peeking, some more hilarious posts of the same vein before we move on:

All right, spoiler. There's only one result: You love books. Done.


Being a bookworm is not a competition, okay?

The blookunity has its fair share of drama. Over celebrity bloggers, blogging for ARCs, blogging for followers, blogging for stats, blogging for $$$. I've talked about so many #bookwormproblems today but none of them are REAL problems. They're just slightly fanatic things we do as fans. (hahaha, pun.)

The real mistake I'd like to challenge the blookunity to stop is this: Stop competing with each other. Let's start loving books together.

How did you do?!? What is your biggest bookworm problem? Oh, and do you want a list of evil bookish recipes?? Let me know!


Want more advice from me for book bloggers? Check out the 30-step action guide to developing your book blogger trademark. I cannot tell you how much taking these steps has transformed my blog.

Twitter-sized takeout:

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